I got there a little bit early so I could try to learn some of the cheers (and what some of the words are supposed to be, turns out t-t-c-c-k-k is supposed to be a-t-t-a-c-k), and she had asked me to. I watched the girls (and one boy!) dance and clap and yell. They were all wearing shorts and t-shirts, some with tank tops, and I saw one girl wearing a leotard. I remember thinking that was a good idea. It's 100 degrees Fahrenheit out here in Phoenix. I thought, what a good idea, my girl has one left over from dance, and it would be easy to just pack one thing for her to change into instead of shorts and a t-shirt (less things to get lost).
After practice was over the kids scattered to various sides of the courtyard to get their backpacks, and as I was collecting my 3 littles, I overheard a woman shaming the 6 year old in the leotard. She was explaining to her that the leotard was immodest, and that she shouldn't be wearing it to school, because it was essentially just a bathing suit and girls shouldn't wear things like that to school. First of all, the girl is 6, so probably not involved in the choosing of her after school outfit, or if she was, it was certainly approved by her parents, because they probably put it her her bag. Second of all it's not like it was a string bikini, it was obviously a dance or gymnastics leotard with a very fluttery pink skirt. The girl just looked confused. This was a PARENT, mind you, talking to a CHILD that was not hers. I thought it might be a coach or a teacher but after looking up every faculty member it looks like this woman has just appointed herself modesty coach and is critiquing everything people are wearing (which makes me think my daughter coming home saying she couldn't wear her tank top anymore because her nipple might show might not have come from another girl, but actually this crazy lady policing our kinders.).
Now let's just examine the ridiculousness of this. Tomorrow, all 40 of these girls will be cheer leading, and turning flips and cartwheels in skirts that come down to mid thigh, and skin tight v neck shirts, in front of a whole stadium of people, with what can only be called underpants underneath, their only saving grace that they are the same color as the cheer uniform. Somehow this is okay, but that poor little girls leotard is not?
This whole incident reminds me of the time I was reading at church when I was 13. I was wearing a long suede skirt that my aunt had given me, with a white, loose fitting white blouse that tucked into it. There skirt was ankle length and slit up to my knee (so I could WALK), but not mid-thigh. I was probably wearing flats, because I had to climb stairs, and I can still barely walk in heels. I had spent 5 or 10 minutes before mass in the back with the priest, my parents had driven me to church, and there was no question about my outfit being appropriate. After doing the readings during mass, an older woman waited until I was separated from my family and approached me in the lobby of the church, she grabbed me by my upper arm and leaned in to whisper in my ear that I was a hussy and the reason that men cheated on their wives. I'm not sure what was going on in that woman's life, but I was all of 13 years old, a very young and sheltered 13, and certainly not in anyway TRYING to get her husband to cheat on her with anyone. I was horrified and as soon as I got into the car with my family I burst into tears. That woman BULLIED me. At least I was 13, not 6.
You bet your ass that mother who told that 6 year old not to wear her leotard again wouldn't have the guts to say that to that kids mom.
I am so tired, as a woman, for being in charge of what other people think based on what I wear. Here's a good article about not playing into the narrative that men can't control themselves. My husband certainly can, and I know he's amazing, but not because he can't keep his hands off random women in leotards. There are good guys out there, and that means the sleazy ones should be held to a higher standard.
https://weareezer.com/2017/06/26/i-dont-accommodate-uncontrolled-men/
This article specifically addresses what I'm desperate for my daughter NOT to pick up from her Christian school:
http://pinkskyserendipity.com/the-day-i-learned-men-cannot-control-themselves/#sthash.TcTYM4x6.dpbs
And just to re-emphasize the ridiculousness of the shit we, as women, are asked to accept regularly
Sarah Silverman posted this on twitter 2 years ago, It made a lot of guys angry, because they're not just wandering around thinking about raping us all the time... but isn't that sort of what we've been taught? Boys will be boys har har har.
